I have always thought of myself as a simple sort of girl. I feel like I have a normal life for a woman pushing 30. I have moderate views and I am pretty mainstream when it comes to most things. Like I said normal. Which is why the more I look around the more worried I become. I see a lot of women, young and old, who #1 have no sense of self worth and #2 have little confidence in their abilities as women, especially when it comes to giving birth!
I feel like the damage done to young girls through influences like Hannah Montana and Brittney Spears. Marketing that pitches push up bras for 8 yr olds. and the obsession our culture has with sex and body image are more damaging than we realize. I see it all the time, especially from other women. We judge others according to standards of thinness and make assumptions due to someone's appearance. These attitudes get passed on to our children and the cycle continues.
And then for our little boys. Boys don't cry, they don't like pink, and <gasp> don't wear paint on their toe nails! The only way to convince a little boy he doesn't want to like pink, wear sparkly clothes, or have fun paint on his feet is to tell him it's undesirable. "Eww girls!" And the cycle continues. Why do we want to teach our future husbands that girls are less? That you wouldn't want to be a girl? Why can't we realize that the attitude that girls are less and "you don't want to be a girl" leads to domestic violence and prejudice. If girls are less then boys are superior in every way, right? All the while teaching our girls that they need to be the sexiest women they can to counter act having to compete with men. And that they can do anything a man can do. Which isn't true either. The power of a woman's body is an amazing thing but it is NOT the same as a man's. I feel that women are actually stronger than men but not in the measurable, I can bench press twice my body weight way(even though some women are that strong.) A woman's strength lies in her endurance. Women have been found to be able to endure more pain and more stress with less discomfort than men. It is a scientifically proven fact.
We as a society are afraid of our bodies. We are ashamed and embarrassed of basic bodily functions. Why are men embarrassed to buy tampons or sanitary napkins? No one thinks that they are for him. And why would it matter if they were? Oh that's right "girls are Eww!" Remember? Don't say the words penis or vagina. Lets make up cute little nick names for them because we shouldn't really talk about them at all but sometimes out of necessity HAVE to. We don't like to talk about sex with our children other than the bare bones facts. Most sex talks with teenagers if they happen at all consist of either "Don't have sex" (because that always works) OR "Always use a condom." No explanation on how the male or female bodies work. Just a vague idea of the shape of things from health class, where everyone titters in embarrassment and barely pays attention. I remember that they showed the birth of a baby in health class to the girls but not the boys. No explanation of how babies grow, how they are born, just if you get pregnant this is what will happen. This one class in school and what we see in TV from sitcoms like Friends or movies like Knocked Up are most peoples only experience with birth. Birth has been banished to the hospital and slap stick humor it's no wonder that we distrust and fear the power that is birth.
Making a baby isn't a neat, clean process. Why should getting the baby OUT of your body be expected to be neat and tidy and orderly. Your baby was made from semen that was ejaculated into your vagina and a little egg released from your ovaries. Your body then nourishes and sustains another sentient being! AMAZING!! And even more amazing then the growing of the baby is the hormonal and chemical cascade built into your body that lets your body know that it's time for the baby to be born and then creates an opiate effect in your body to manage the discomfort of ejecting a 7 lb (or more) baby through an opening that for the past 10 months has been keeping it in. It's a lot of work but it's pain with a purpose and if we learn to trust our bodies and not interfere with the natural process things go exactly as they are supposed to. There are always exceptions to the rule and there will always be people who do everything right and still end up needing technology. The people who NEED interventions are a lot fewer than the ones who are actually getting interventions. But why should a woman suffer through childbirth when we have all this excellent technology to "help" her? I refute this statement, a woman in labor doesn't need help she needs support. With a loving partner and knowledgeable, patient care provider most women can have wonderful birth experiences with out having to be "helped." The only thing they need saving from is the interventions and invasive technology. Pregnancy isn't an illness! For the majority of women it is a normal, necessary (for the continuation of the species) biological process. Not a disease!
If we were taught about birth and embraced the human body in all it's grossness. Icky bodily functions and all! We would know that a little feces in labor is to be expected and even to be looked forward to because that means that baby is pushing its way out. And you guessed it men need to learn these things just as much as women do! Many a labor has stalled or failed because the male partner is terrified and unable to be the support that his partner needs. A woman in labor needs to feel loved, supported, and safe. Who better to do that then her partner? I know birth has traditionally been a woman's domain. Before birth was moved to the hospital laboring woman were supported by the women in the community, people they had connections with and felt safe with. Not some random stranger (nurse) that they never met before and barely makes eye contact. The father should feel welcome and comfortable in his role in the birth. In order for this to happen he needs to be educated. If birth were a commonly occurring event in our lives we wouldn't be scared. We would know what was going to happen. Birth education needs to happen at home when children are young and continue through adult hood. Birth is much to vast of a topic to be covered in two hours a week for 6 weeks of your life.
The reasons the maternity care system is broken are to numerous to go into at once. Suffice it to say that there are many things that need to change and would be more beneficial to mothers and babies and fathers too. I feel like FEAR of birth is the first obstacle to over come so that is where I started. I am writing this down and sending it out to touch others. Because I have been touched by a ripple in the birth revolution and I hope to touch more people through my words. If I make one person think a little harder about why they are anxious or uncomfortable about birth I feel like I have succeeded. I don't want people to agree with me I want them to think. And to think for themselves not just take someone else's word for it.
"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong." - Laura Stavoe Harm
